Dragons in my Head: a Battle for Mental Health

Today is a down day, and that’s okay.

I struggle with depression and anxiety. According to the stats, one in four of you can relate.

It’s hard to manage a debilitating mental condition when trying to succeed as an entrepreneur (artist!).  Despite the fact that being self-employed demands focus and discipline, a fast-paced, ambitious schedule seems to be the antithesis to a sane and balanced lifestyle. The very second I try to push too hard, to do to much, my brain cracks and depression and anxiety step in, distorting my thoughts, my perception of reality, time, and the relationships around me. My physical symptoms include sleeping too much or not at all, irrational panic, extreme lethargy, and sessions of manic activity.

Right now, I experience a cycle of one week up, one week down. My ‘up’ weeks are hyper productive. The house is spotless, my writing goals are on point and I find myself eager to engage with the people around me.

But then, just when I think I have life figured out, I crash. I withdraw for a week and hate myself for doing it. I tell myself that I’ll never achieve anything meaningful in life, that I’m lazy, and that I deserve to be miserable. A voice whispers that I’m unattractive, and a distant, uncaring mother.

I fight back by journaling, sharing with trusted friends, maintaining a consistent routine with my medication, and fighting to correct the negative thought patterns running through my brain. I look at my goals and adjust for the coming week. What must be done? What would I like to achieve? When will I rest? What activities restore my soul? How can incorporate these into my life on a daily basis? I  also need to remind myself to schedule flexible free-time. I have found that time is like money, and I need an emergency back up reserve to draw on when things go to sh*t.

And I remind myself that tomorrow will be a better day,

I sketched out this picture on my iPad this week.

Because when those who struggle with mental health lay in bed, doing ‘nothing’, we are warriors, fighting dragons in our heads. To get out of bed, to write, to work, to love those around us, is a heroic act of triumph and courage.

We are mighty.