2024 is here. I’ve had a good break from my usual work and life stresses and feel light and joyful. I’ve also had space to reflect.
I am ambitious and driven. I’m a bit of a workaholic. I get an exhilarating high from checking the boxes, from a job well done. As someone who thrives on being occupied, the quest for constant productivity is a double-edged sword. The exhilarating highs of constant activity can lead to a subsequent drop in mental well-being, manifesting as a minor depressive episode when business subsides.
With a mind full of ‘to dos’, I also struggle to be present with the ones I love. I get sick easily. When something in my life is out of balance, I ruminate obsessively.
My relentless drive for busyness can be traced back to control issues, probably rooted in perfectionism and a lack of trust. I often struggle to create and share my artwork because I am critical of every line I draw or paint.
Which leads to my next point. Business and obsessive rumination over unfixable problems actually hinders creative growth. Creativity flourishes when unshackled from the fear of failure. Embracing creativity involves experimentation and learning, which can only be achieved by making room for chaos, uncertainty, and, yes, failure.
I know all this, but it’s time for my mind knowledge to settle into my heart.
I want to be light. I want to be free from obsession, overwork and perfectionism. This year, I have resolved to learn how to slow down a bit and ‘let it go.’
I haven’t figured it all out (who has?), but I’ve got a few ideas. Here are my first steps on the path to mental lightness:
2. Saying no, giving a joyful ‘yes.’ After years of screwing this up, I’m finally figuring out how to say no to things that I am ill-equipped for. I’m not great with crowds or screaming children, but I can happily mentor a young writer or help set up a community art gallery.
3. Boundaries. Whatever I say yes to can’t compromise my sleep, nutrition, mindful time with the kids, relationship-building time with my spouse, or professional goals. The older I get, the less energy and physical ability I have. Boundaries help me to protect these precious resources.
4. Friendship. This list already seems full. But it can’t be too full to maintain my support network of trusted friends. Good friends lift one another up and bear each other’s burdens. I’ve struggled in the past with a full calendar and an anxious, depressed mental state. It’s made me insular. Even during a busy week, there is always time for a work date, coffee date, zoom date or phone call. I’m joyfully ready to share and bear the burdens of life by reaching out once again.
5. Mindfulness. This word has become so trendy that it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. I hear it trotted out as a solution to everything these days to the point where the mere mention of it seems insincere and lazy. And yet… I do know what it is to pray and meditate. I am a practicing Christian, and I know what it means to sink into a moment and release the list of endless unsolvable problems and upcoming tasks into the blessed ether. The discipline of sincere and deep spirituality can be through music, prayer, movement, meditation, unfiltered expression of art and many other ways. I’ve made some space in my life for these activities, personally and in community. I’m really looking forward to the calmness and clarity I know it brings.
Peace be with you.
