It’s been an emotional month for me. The kids have had their share of problems at school, and my family has been plagued with health issues. There’s also been the possibility of a job change and a potential move, which makes everything feel unsettled.
Whenever I plant a seed in my garden, I wonder if I will get to watch it bear fruit or if we will move. Honestly, I don’t know.
Happily, I’ve been reminded that I have a superpower to help me navigate uncertainty, burnout, and relationship conflict. You have it too.
It’s our emotions.
For generations, we’ve been taught to ignore and repress our emotions. Another school of thought suggests that giving in to your emotions by wild outbursts of expression is ‘healthy.’ I want to challenge you to think about your emotions differently. They are not bad or good. They are not to be repressed, nor do we have to surrender our will to emotional impulses. Instead, emotions are simply a source of information about our environment and our relationship to that environment.
I think of my feelings as a sixth sense, a way of gathering information that is often overlooked and undervalued. Ignoring my emotions is kind of like putting a piece of electrical tape over the ‘check engine light’ in my car and continuing to drive.
When I feel a strong emotional response to something, it’s essential to take the car to the shop and take a peek under the hood. I do this by first doing a body scan. Are my physical needs being met? Am I getting enough sleep, balanced nutrition, exercise? Have I done anything recently to throw my hormones off balance (medications, supplements)? What about withdrawal/ dependency symptoms (caffeine, alcohol)?
Next, I make a list. I write down absolutely every unfinished task weighing on my mind. Once my mind is free from the burden of trying to recall a lengthy list of ‘ought to-dos', I place it aside. I might schedule a time to look at this list later by making a note on the calendar. When the time is right, I will organize my tasks according to importance, delegate what I can, and trash what really doesn’t matter. But now is not the time. I put the list out of sight and release it from my mind.
Now, I move outward. Sometimes, I know where the source of my strong emotional response lies, but sometimes it takes a little digging. Journaling helps with this process. I often find a difference between what I think I ‘should’ feel about a situation and what I actually feel.
Anger lets me know a personal boundary has been violated. Unease can expose the fact that a situation feels unsafe. It goes on… but honesty is critical. I swear and break the pencil lead on the paper. I have placed myself in a quiet, safe space. I can write how I really feel.
Once the problem is exposed, I brainstorm a way forward. What needs to change? What boundary needs to be expressed? I move forward in the direction of peace, lightness, and release. I chose to act, not in a manner controlled by my emotions but in a way that honours them. I will state what is needed with empathy, compassion, and a clear, firm understanding of my boundaries.
I am not a therapist, but I am a human. I think and feel, and like all of us, I get banged up on this walk of life. This is a process that I have developed over several years of practice with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Accessing the information passed to me through my emotions gives me a deeper understanding of myself and the world I live in. It allows me to live in a way that feels more balanced, peaceful, and productive.
A note about productivity. I often fight the need to decipher my emotions because I usually measure my value by how much I produce. I don’t want to stop and reflect. I want to check that next to-do off the list. A time of reflection feels like being lazy.
But the truth is the opposite. If I really want to get through that list of things I'd like to do… and do them well, I MUST stop and ‘check the engine.’ I can spend three days pushing my miserable self beyond the point of burnout to do the same amount of work a happy, well-adjusted me can accomplish in an afternoon.. ;) Time really is relative!
Not that productivity should be the way we measure worth, but especially as someone who creates regular online content, this measure of worth is something I struggle with. So understanding that self-care actually INCREASES my productivity motivates me to take the time to keep the engine oiled. Listening to the information given to me via my emotions makes me a better lover, parent, creative etc.
And hopefully… someday soon, I will internalize the truth that we are all inherently worthy of love and care. To exist is to be worthy of love. I am loved; I am worthy of care. I deserve health, security and peace of mind... simply because I am.
And so do you.
