I had a great break, and I’m ready to go back to work. Mentally, it was nice to not spend energy on thinking about the future and to just be present with my family.
But now the kids are back to school, and all my creative energy is just bubbling out. I’ve got so many hopes and plans for the future that I just know I’m going to crash and burn by the end of January.
Or will I?
I came across this lovely lady over the break, and I find her really encouraging. Her video gave me a light-hearted way to sort through what I really wanted over the next year.
After I did this, my husband I sat down together one evening with a calendar and a banking app. We discussed what we wanted in the year to come, and took a close look at our finances, choosing to save in some places and splurge in others. I really enjoyed the opportunity to connect and dream with my husband and it’s nice knowing we’re on the same page when it comes to our goals.
Using a calendar and scheduling my year/month/week/day used to be a big source of anxiety for me. Just looking at the mountain of stuff to be done was overwhelming. I grew up in a culture that valued flexibility and spontaneity. I thought of scheduled people as uptight and inflexible, unscheduled people were happy-go-lucky free-spirits.
But the practice of writing down goals (and scratching off unrealistic ones) has freed me... because I schedule rest. I make family time, space for a coffee date, time for a nap, and space to eat a healthy meal with my feet up, and journaling for mental health all priorities. Things that I never allowed myself to do before (ie. drink wine and read a good book in a bubble bath) I look forward to now as little rewards for being disciplined with errands and unpleasant chores.
I also find that I am twice as productive. It’s such a strange new thing. Who knew that relaxing every few hours, meeting with friends, taking time to exercise, and getting enough sleep would actually give you more energy? :P
Finally, I’m learning to not drown in guilt when things don’t go right. I have tons of ‘down’ days. I crash, I feel lazy, I yell at the kids and burn dinner... but well, that’s totally NORMAL. No one can be on the ball all the time. I take a breath and look at it as my body telling me that once again, I’m taking on too much, either physically, mentally, or emotionally. Something is out of balance. I’m getting sick, or maybe I’m overwhelmed by a social situation that needs some addressing. I listen to my body and my emotions, I stop and spend the time I need to understand what’s going on so I can give myself the care I’m missing.
The last five years have been a pressure cooker for me, extreme sleep deprivation and a stressful living situation lead to a mental breakdown with the lingering effects of depression, anxiety and PTSD. I also developed a tear in my small intestine that lead to sudden, severe internal bleeding and a 911 call.
I’m not writing about self-care simply because it’s the trendy thing to do right now. I’m writing because I’ve been there, down in the trenches, and it almost killed me. Putting myself before work, laundry, dishes and everything else isn’t just a luxury, it’s what keeps me alive.
:)
I don’t want to end on a downer. I’m doing really well right now. My health has recovered and my brain is happy. :) My husband, my kids, and others have all reaped the benefits. Simply because the more I’ve got, the more I can give.
Happy New Year!
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