Are you connected?

Are you connected?

Pre-internet era, 'connected' referred to personal human contact, a support network of relationships. Now, it commonly refers to our access via multiple devices and platforms to the internet.

Is one thing replacing the other?

I am sometimes painfully introverted, I avoid small talk and casual relationships. Even a visit to my favourite coffee shop requires some deep breathing and 'mindfulness' meditation before I walk through the door.

And yet... I still crave human connection. A smile, a simple hello, these are things that mean a world of difference between feeling isolated and lonely and being included in a wider community, participating in something bigger than myself.

In our media saturated world, I don't ever have to go into that coffee shop. I can satisfy this need for connection through endless social and media platforms. I can plug into a world of infinite connection and I don't have to make eye contact with a single human being in the flesh.

So yes, one thing can replace the other. Humanity's addictive need for social contact, combined with the promise of never having to feel alone, can lead to us being plugged in 24/7. It is addiction, (the compulsive need for and the use of a habit-forming substance).

However, I would suggest that virtual connection is not in of itself a bad thing: provided our virtual experience is used to enhance and deepen meaningful connection not to replace it with a glossy facsimile.

Now it gets complicated. Simply because it is totally possible to have a meaningful relationship that exists only online, how to you sift out what matters from the clutter?

I would suggest you consider what would happen to that connection if all the servers in the world went down.

Would you call?
Write a letter?
Knock on a door?

Would they?

So here are my rules, for myself: a terrified introvert seeking to build meaningful connection, enhanced by easy access to online social and media platforms:

1. Check my news feeds ONCE a day.
I am so addicted to the endless chatter of news and opinion. These platforms (including Facebook and twitter) fool me into thinking that regurgitation of the same information over and over is somehow deepening and enhancing my experience. It's not.

2. Embrace loneliness.
Loneliness feels uncomfortable. So it feels natural to rush to turn on the radio or TV. Instead, I want to embrace the discomfort, to allow myself to sit in silence for a few minutes. Then, if I wish, I can reach out in a meaningful way to a friend, through a phone call or email to a friend to let them know how much I appreciate them.

3. Set a timer.
Sometimes, I need to shut down and mentally unwind. I do think that the internet provides an interesting and entertaining way to do this. Let's face it: clicking endlessly through articles, humour and gossip sites is fun. But let’s just acknowledge this for what it is: leisure, NOT work. Besides, who even remembers 90% of what they browsed?

So set a timer. And STOP when it goes off.

To help myself with the stopping bit, I plan on allowing myself a secondary pleasent activity to do for a short time. Or at least having a firm and motivating plan for what happens next.

4. See a friend for coffee… or some other fun social event once a week. For me at least, this is self-explanatory. I need a kick in the but to get out of the house and talk to, you know, people. :P

… I know this list could be longer. And I'm curious to hear what your list might be. Let me know! I just know that the above four, are things I will actually do. Beyond that… I’d just be blowing hot air.

:)
CJ