Superhero

Have you ever felt that there was something big inside of you that you could just barely contain? You know that you shouldn't let it out- you know that you'll be misunderstood and harshly judged, that this thing might even be destructive... shattering your orderly life as you know it; but in the end it escapes, rushing out with a flood of passion and tears that you're not sure you would want to hold back even if you could. That thing that is uniquely you- that thing that is your power, that should not and cannot be denied...

Consequently, the Hulk is my absolute favorite superhero of all time. Ever. Hands down, the best.

And Spiderman... I'd also like to stick to things. :)

Beautiful Expression

Someone told me the other day that the people who go truly, totally crazy, are actually the ones who deny themselves expression.

Hmm... let me try and say that another way.

Don't be afraid of anger, sadness, or bitterness. These creatures are all parts of you that are good. They are protectors of your true self, the beautiful you. Embrace your protectors and love them, explore the pain and listen to your anger.

And once your protectors don't feel like they have to work up such a tizzy to get you to pay attention, they back off, and the real you gets to come through.

So I've heard. I mean... there's sooo much more to it, but expression is a good start.

And it feels right.

And the point of this is to say, I'm not going to call myself crazy anymore. Maybe just beautiful.

That's right, I have a beautiful beautiful brain, full of exhausting, abstract, busy, distracted expression.

And maybe I can find some more balance with some more counseling. :P

But in the meantime...

LOOK!

I taught myself how to can! Hahahaha! You didn't see that one coming did you?

Hot pepper jelly, cilantro salsa, garden grape mint jelly, dill pickles, plum jam, peaches and blueberry jam.

:D I'm very proud.

This brain... so freaking ah...

Grrrr. Here's a picture of anger.

Now go make stuff, my darlings. It's good for you.

I'M going to bed.

Going Green

With the (Canadian) election coming up, I've been thinking a lot about the things that matter to me. I think it's safe to say that the key issues that swirl about in the media are Security, Economy, Human-rights and the Environment.

So, I know that I'm over-simplifying things but I've decided to put my environmental concerns at the top of the list. It seems to me that we can hardly work to have a stable, sustainable and environmentally aware society without first embracing some level of altruism. I mean, to survive, we have to share: water, power, food, air. When one suffers, we all start to feel the pinch. Yes, wealthier countries can afford to hoard and be selfish for a time, but in the end, this way only leads to destruction. Our resources are running out, and we need each other.

A caveat: I'm hardly a political science major, I'm just putting structure to the thoughts moving about in my busy busy brain.

So follow me... we go green. We somehow learn to diversify our resources more equally. We eat locally, and in season. We grow gardens, not lawns. Homes are built smaller and come standard with things like composting toilets, rainwater collection systems and solar panels.

We talk to our neigbours, we trade them cucumbers for chicken eggs... and share a glass of the awful wine we made last season, we embrace culture and learn skills from one another. And we make a shift, a change in our thinking. Rather than seeing all the ways we are different, we see first our shared humanity and our need for one another.

I think... this kind of community life would make it harder for extremism to take route.

I'm not talking about a return to the dark ages either. I think there's some pretty rad science out there, that given the chance, can help us change to live in a sustainable and comforable way.

Check these links to see what I mean
http://zerohouse.net/wordpress/
http://www.teslamotors.com/en_CA/powerwall

These are some capitalistic ideas I'd happily give dollars to.

I know there's about a billion holes in my dream, and so many awful gut wrenching 'what if's'. I am not isolated from the horrors of this world.

I just need to choose, to dream or despair. I need to believe that things can get better, not worse for my children. That I can affect positive change.

So I'm going to dream.
And learn canning. :P

 

Crazy got a Job!

Well, I wanted more structure, and it looks like I've got it. I've just joined the team at Hydrolife (http://www.myhydrolife.com/) as a freelance writer. I'm stoked, my muse is all excited and tingly and I like the idea of putting myself on the clock to bang out articles I really care about. Maybe a little bit of structure and deadline pressure will help me focus in the moments when I'm not writing and help me be a little more present for my daughters.

Yeah, this is going to be good, I can feel it.

Focus, purpose... a goal, and still not too much pressure. I love it.

Can't wait for the future... gotta go work.

Runaway Muse

I've been in transition. I've gone from 'puke my guts out I haven't had more than 2 hours of sleep in a row for almost 2 YEARS' to, 'I only had to wake up 3 times last night for the kids'.

What I'm saying is I'm getting slightly more sleep... and with it my creative energy is flowing back. I'm still aware of my limitations, so I made a deal with myself not to pressure my muse to preform in any way. That means no structure, no deadlines.

It's been wondrously fun. My muse has been running from on project to the next like a kid on her first day in preschool. I've been writing songs, sharpening my portraiture work, and teaching myself new curious skills like brewing jam and reupholstering furniture.

The jam turned out great. I want to burn my kitchen bar stools.

I'm also teetering on the brink of not always being the most patient, engaged mother. Nothing like having a little 1 year-old minx confetti-fy the foam padding you've just hot glued into place on the freaking kitchen bar stools for the 5th time... to make you want to want to snap. And yet-she's just trying to help.

And I just want to write that Governor Generals Award novel.

But my kids need me, they need me to be more than a just slave to my muse. And they need me to help them find theirs.

And my muse needs to cool her heels a bit...

I suspect this is a struggle I will have for my entire life (unbridled uninterrupted creativity versus the work and focus it requires to be an engaged mother/wife/friend). Balance, I think, is nothing more than delusion. The best I can hope for is to trapeze from one extreme to another.

So tonight... I'm going to kiss my babies goodnight, and ask my husband about his day.

And then I'm going to eat whipped cream and binge watch Netflix.

Follow the muse... wherever she may lead.

Sigh... it's official. My killer mermaid horror story is going literary. 

I really wanted killer mermaids,  I still think the idea is totally rad... but well,  as I've been writing the book the richness of the setting and the complexity of the characters has captured me more than the ridiculous mythology I was trying to spin. Ach weh! It's better this way...

In other news... I made this tonight. :p My muse has the most beautiful type of ADD. She's kind of hard to nail down.

Whistle in my Pocket

New song! First time ever playing it through...

Here's the words. :)