Tall and Short Poppy Syndrome (Daring to Be All You Can Be)

A friend of mine was once given a rewarding job position, achieved solely on the bases of her natural talent. She is a kind-hearted and loving person, who like many of us, is absolutely crushed by the idea that someone might think poorly of her.

But it still happened, and it continues. Surprisingly, in an industry dominated by males, most of her conflict has come from other women. Vicious rumours are spread 'she must be sleeping with someone,' she's 'a liar,' she thinks 'she's better than us.' And so on...

It's called tall poppy syndrome.
It's when, in a society that values egalitarianism, anyone who achieves any type of 'higher' social status is attacked and 'cut down' so they can be at the same level as everybody else.

Now,

Thankfully, unlike my beautiful and talented friend, I've not had to struggle against this too much in life. But I do wrestle with the reverse: something I like to think as 'short poppy syndrome.' I define it as the fear of being perceived as prideful, of making others jealous, or worrying that success will damage the relationships around you. It also involves self-doubt: thinking that your talent is 'just not good enough' and others will scorn you for trying to use it.

So what did I do? I shrank. I ducked and hid. I would scrawl on an art pad hunched deep inside of a black hoodie, shooting eye daggers at anyone who might dare to look. My songs stayed in my journal, my manuscript languished unfinished on the computer. My paintings were underdeveloped.

Thankfully, this time of my life was pretty short-lived. But I have struggled in lesser degrees with 'short poppy syndrome' in different areas for years. For the longest time, I decided that I was only allowed to be good at one thing. I could say I was a decent painter, but never breathe a word about writing or vice versa. The idea of claiming a general aptitude in most things creative? (Except reupholstering furniture. Gave it a shot, was trapped in bar stool hell for three weeks. NEVER again) That was too much. Only a terrible person would claim to be good at more than one thing!

But I'm growing, and daring to shine.

So, what if, instead of shrinking (short poppy) or attacking others for daring to rise (tall poppy), we lifted each other up? What if we dared to stand tall in the talents and gifts we have, developing and enjoying them all the while praising and encouraging others along their journey?

And what are we so afraid of that we don't do this? No two painters use the same strokes. No writer can share the same story in the same voice. Yes, there are different skill levels, but that is something that can be developed. Your passion is incredible and unique and deserves to be developed and shared. My work is not lessened by your greatness; if anything, we can only both grow and learn from each other.

Yes, we are human, and our egos are oh so fragile. We have to fight against jealousy, recognizing that to be jealous of someone else is to forget the value of our own unique gifts. But I want to challenge all of us to try. We can be better. Stand tall, and declare who you are and what you can do. Act in true humility without embellishing or diminishing the value of your work. Shine brightly and make space to allow others to shine as well. Offer your gifts to those around you with an open hand, and know that rejection of your work still does not diminish your personal value or the inherent value of what you can do.

And if we do? I suspect that the world around us may grow into a place filled with music, colour, dance, laughter, surprise, and yummy homemade treats.

:D

So, what’s your gift?

How I keep my New Year’s Resolutions (Hint, I don’t)

Step one: Focus. Define what I want. Make it specific. Create long and short term goals. I outline the steps I need to get there. I kick distractions to the curb.

Step Two: Make a plan. To make it fun I use a giant calendar and lots of stickers. I write it down and schedule time to work on my goals.

Step Three: Get knocked on my a**. 😂Circumstances change, kids get sick. Creative projects I wanted to focus on get shoved aside for a job that makes money. I wear a pair of tall sexy heels and trip, wrenching my knee. I gain two pounds. :P

Step Four: Change my heels for sweats and a knee brace. Mope for a day.

Step Five: Reach out to good friends for encouragement and direction. I’m not a looser, I’m human.

Step Six: I build again: this time with better materials. I redefine my goals with new knowledge from lessons learned. Write down a plan. Schedule it.

Step Seven: Remind myself that I not a failure when it all falls apart again. (Because it will) Failure is a natural part of my cycle. No one can be “up” all the time.

:) Thank you friends for your love and support. I’d never make it without you. <3

It’s a Brand New Year!

Happy New Year!

I had a great break, and I’m ready to go back to work. Mentally, it was nice to not spend energy on thinking about the future and to just be present with my family.

But now the kids are back to school, and all my creative energy is just bubbling out. I’ve got so many hopes and plans for the future that I just know I’m going to crash and burn by the end of January.

Or will I?

I came across this lovely lady over the break, and I find her really encouraging. Her video gave me a light-hearted way to sort through what I really wanted over the next year.

After I did this, my husband I sat down together one evening with a calendar and a banking app. We discussed what we wanted in the year to come, and took a close look at our finances, choosing to save in some places and splurge in others. I really enjoyed the opportunity to connect and dream with my husband and it’s nice knowing we’re on the same page when it comes to our goals.

Using a calendar and scheduling my year/month/week/day used to be a big source of anxiety for me. Just looking at the mountain of stuff to be done was overwhelming. I grew up in a culture that valued flexibility and spontaneity. I thought of scheduled people as uptight and inflexible, unscheduled people were happy-go-lucky free-spirits.

But the practice of writing down goals (and scratching off unrealistic ones) has freed me... because I schedule rest. I make family time, space for a coffee date, time for a nap, and space to eat a healthy meal with my feet up, and journaling for mental health all priorities. Things that I never allowed myself to do before (ie. drink wine and read a good book in a bubble bath) I look forward to now as little rewards for being disciplined with errands and unpleasant chores.

I also find that I am twice as productive. It’s such a strange new thing. Who knew that relaxing every few hours, meeting with friends, taking time to exercise, and getting enough sleep would actually give you more energy? :P

Finally, I’m learning to not drown in guilt when things don’t go right. I have tons of ‘down’ days. I crash, I feel lazy, I yell at the kids and burn dinner... but well, that’s totally NORMAL. No one can be on the ball all the time. I take a breath and look at it as my body telling me that once again, I’m taking on too much, either physically, mentally, or emotionally. Something is out of balance. I’m getting sick, or maybe I’m overwhelmed by a social situation that needs some addressing. I listen to my body and my emotions, I stop and spend the time I need to understand what’s going on so I can give myself the care I’m missing.

The last five years have been a pressure cooker for me, extreme sleep deprivation and a stressful living situation lead to a mental breakdown with the lingering effects of depression, anxiety and PTSD. I also developed a tear in my small intestine that lead to sudden, severe internal bleeding and a 911 call.

I’m not writing about self-care simply because it’s the trendy thing to do right now. I’m writing because I’ve been there, down in the trenches, and it almost killed me. Putting myself before work, laundry, dishes and everything else isn’t just a luxury, it’s what keeps me alive.

:)

I don’t want to end on a downer. I’m doing really well right now. My health has recovered and my brain is happy. :) My husband, my kids, and others have all reaped the benefits. Simply because the more I’ve got, the more I can give.

Happy New Year!

Value and Productivity: Less is More

As I woke up this morning was greeted with a fascinating report from Inc.com about Microsoft Japan doing a trial four day work week for its employees. The results were astounding. Productivity increased by almost 40%, electricity cost savings jumped, and over 90% of the participants reported that they were happier for the changes.

A second article from Inc.com quotes several related studies that show that time spent at work by no means translates to value or productivity. In fact, there is a suggestion that an eight-hour workday may include only around two hours of productivity.

Work is changing. As machines take over more manual labor tasks, I truly believe that creativity and innovation are necessary skills for the future. However, nobody can maintain focus for eight hours straight (or more)!

So less is more. Take a break, take a nap. Eat nutritious food regularly. If two hours of highly productive work is equivalent to or much better than eight hours of drudgery, you absolutely have time to workout or stroll down the road to your favorite coffee spot.

On a side note... I don't find screen time particularly renewing, especially when it's a large part of the work that I do. Whenever I find myself gaping out on the couch, I usually tell myself that a coffee nap is a better idea instead (it's amazing).

Now enjoy this video on the future of work and make some time today to show love to your innovative creative side!

Dragons in my Head: a Battle for Mental Health

Today is a down day, and that’s okay.

I struggle with depression and anxiety. According to the stats, one in four of you can relate.

It’s hard to manage a debilitating mental condition when trying to succeed as an entrepreneur (artist!).  Despite the fact that being self-employed demands focus and discipline, a fast-paced, ambitious schedule seems to be the antithesis to a sane and balanced lifestyle. The very second I try to push too hard, to do to much, my brain cracks and depression and anxiety step in, distorting my thoughts, my perception of reality, time, and the relationships around me. My physical symptoms include sleeping too much or not at all, irrational panic, extreme lethargy, and sessions of manic activity.

Right now, I experience a cycle of one week up, one week down. My ‘up’ weeks are hyper productive. The house is spotless, my writing goals are on point and I find myself eager to engage with the people around me.

But then, just when I think I have life figured out, I crash. I withdraw for a week and hate myself for doing it. I tell myself that I’ll never achieve anything meaningful in life, that I’m lazy, and that I deserve to be miserable. A voice whispers that I’m unattractive, and a distant, uncaring mother.

I fight back by journaling, sharing with trusted friends, maintaining a consistent routine with my medication, and fighting to correct the negative thought patterns running through my brain. I look at my goals and adjust for the coming week. What must be done? What would I like to achieve? When will I rest? What activities restore my soul? How can incorporate these into my life on a daily basis? I  also need to remind myself to schedule flexible free-time. I have found that time is like money, and I need an emergency back up reserve to draw on when things go to sh*t.

And I remind myself that tomorrow will be a better day,

I sketched out this picture on my iPad this week.

Because when those who struggle with mental health lay in bed, doing ‘nothing’, we are warriors, fighting dragons in our heads. To get out of bed, to write, to work, to love those around us, is a heroic act of triumph and courage.

We are mighty.

Feelings Friday

I call every Friday 'Feelings Friday', and I do something crazy. Every Friday.

I stop. For at least two hours. Sometimes more.

No house cleaning, errand running, coffee dates, writing, social networking, working out, yard work, grocery shopping, cooking, bill paying or even Netflix binging. :)

Instead, I stop. I breathe in the silence and ask myself: how am I feeling?

I reflect on the week that I've walked. What are the events that made me uncomfortable, angry or stressed? Why did I feel that way? What made me happy? I give thanks for the good. Understanding that my feelings are meant to give me information about the world around me and my interaction with it a reflect: what do I need to change? Have I overcommitted to something? Have I developed a poor habit that is harmful to my well-being? Do I need to apologize to someone?

I record these things down. I actually use a graph to show my mood swings week to week. This graph helps me to identify stress and triggers in my life. It also reminds me that life is full of 'ups' and 'downs'. When I'm down, I have the chart to show me: things will get better again. :)

I work through the upsets of my soul. Did I have a conflict with someone? Why did that person's actions make me feel that way? What assumptions did I make that are probably false (we are NOT mind readers!)?

I remind myself that my personal value has nothing to do with the work I do, regardless of quality or quantity.

That my value is inherent and unchanging no matter what people say or think of me.

I breathe.

I pray, and I meditate, I let these truths sink into me.

I make a change.

I go downstairs and tell my husband all about it. :)

He sighs and says "I tell you these things all the time! Why don't you just listen to me?"

We both agree that I never listen to him. 

And the week begins again. 😝

Be blessed. 💓

Why Create?

Why?

Whatever passion it is that you pursue, why do you do it? What is it that makes you come back to that thing day after day? What drives the longing?

And what will motivate you to see your passion grow?

Thank you to Jason Brick and the inspiring talk he gave at the Surrey International Writers' Conference this year. His talk "It's not a Book, it's a Business," challenged me to reframe the way I think about writing. I'm mean, I know why I write. I write because:

• of the dopamine hit I get placing one thoughtful word after another. :D
• I have core values of compassion, restoration, and self-care that I want to share with those around me.
• To encourage other creators
• To entertain
• To give hope for the future in a time of unrest

These things are the reasons why I will always write. As long as I have the breath to speak, I want to be a storyteller and to speak creative encouragement into people's lives. The place where I get stuck is that second question, 'what will motivate you to see your passion grow'?

Because the idea of writing for money doesn't get me up in the morning. It just isn't the thing that puts me in the chair in front of my computer.

• But it would be nice to keep flexible hours and be present for my family.
• I wouldn't mind bringing in a paycheck through writing so I can support my family doing something I love.
• It would be great if I could hire a housekeeper to help me out with household chores, so I can focus on turning this part-time hobby into a full-time job.

Ah ha. That's it. That's the one. :) All altruism aside, it would be a dream to make enough money to hire a housekeeper. So I can write even more because it's just so darn fun.

So I'm here this morning. To encourage you to grow and think creatively. To challenge you to discover what your motivation is behind the creative act. And because one day...

I'd like to wash fewer dishes. 😆